The Sun: Make no plans for July 4th

For those of you making summer vacation plans, The Sun, that, uh, celebrated British tabloid with a tenuous hold on reality, suggests you might think otherwise.

The Sun’s cover reported June 20 that, according to a reliable end-time prophecy, the world is expected to end on July 4th. The means by which the third stone from the sun will be destroyed is unknown at this time. Also unclear is how the July 4th forecast for the demise of our planet will complicate the arrival of the extinction-level event others have planned for Dec. 21, 2012.

We can be at least briefly calmed by The Sun’s poor track record for accuracy. In the same issue, for example, readers discover that aliens had abducted former vice president Dick Cheney, apparently to learn his secrets for extracting information by torture.

And if all else fails — if you’ve reconciled yourself to dissipating the money in your IRA in the next two weeks and wearing sunscreen with an SPF of 4,000 from head to foot — consider the source of this nugget of news: The Sun is owned by media Sith Lord and fabulist Rupert Murdoch.

There now … don’t you feel better already?
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Image credit: Sun front page snapped fro Current TV.